Your not a wimp for being cheated on or for being in shock at this discovery. It would be a relief and would give me tonnes of extra energy for our relationship. We think they have no idea that when my husband met the AP, she was married to one man, living with another man, and getting on Ashley Madison looking for married men for sex. Of course he forwarded my email to her, and to my utter shock she let him know that she didn't feel the same as I did (she was still DEEP in the fog of the affair and hadn't confronted her illusions and rationalizations yet) and that her 'friendship' with him (old boyfriend from 30 years earlier) always had and always would be special to her. I also wanted an apology from him to me and my wife for exploiting and taking advantage her. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. if she lies to a judge about the affair and you have evidence than you have her on perjury. It took my husband 7 weeks to fully disclose what had taken place. Tough! She is cheating within 1 year and you have no kids. She said it's over, but I know it's not. Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. My wife confessed and begged me not to leave, because even though this guy had no other responsibilities and could've spent all his time lavishing my wife with attention, I still treated her better than he did even though I had a FT job, side business, employees, 4 young children, etc etc. He just needs to do it. If you have no one and just want to vent, please send me a message and I will listen to all you want to say on skype. Dude, your "world" has already collapsed. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. I feel a true sense of completion now. And to make matters more complicated, how someone responds during the confrontation doesnt necessarily indicate how they will respond after he or she has had time to think about what was said. I do understand what is being said here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did. I will confront my wife and not her lover. Whatever you have decided by then (divorce, reconciliation etc) would be execute per your wishes and she would very well like to go in for an (uncontested) mutual amicable divorce (on your terms). Confronting her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband. She just sort of floated the idea out there. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. Readying it for sail again. I would have asked openhanded questions to see what his responses would be and compare them to what my wife said. There are no secrets with her family. And it might also be a pack of lies. She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. All that matters is taking care of yourself and your son. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Do talk to her about the situation. She was dumped by him when their 4.5 year double life came out by way of a wrongly sent text to me from my partner. Rick, thank you for this article. I know theyve This was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. Your identity and who you are has changed. Not that she showed any real interest in reconciliation anyway. Sorry, but better to find out now that she is what she is than 10 years down the road. Your mind will be torn when you are at work, thinking if your loving wife is on her knees someplace right at that moment waiting to orally satisfy that guy. And in the other case, narcissistic people don't think the rules apply to them -- and that doesn't stop at poaching your spouse. I wish that for your sake he won't want to say anything in reply to what you say, but knowing APs, he will and it will be unpredictable and probably extremely painful what he says in reply, even if it isn't founded on truth. So atleast you have that going for you. I just need some answers and I am not getting them! If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. Its hard to do when the AP is the down stairs neighbor and you have to see them multiple times a day and money doesn't allow you to move for 2 more months. Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover. He didn't stand up for us. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". Build on yourself, learn all you can, and eventually you will love again when you are ready. She does not deserve the recognition. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. What if you should meet up with her by chance? If you do not respect yourself then who will? I was 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work colleague. I have a public image to protect. Anger for her betrayal, lies, and coverup. Im so sorry to hear things ended up this way. How I found about the affair was her calling constantly when he was home. But it seems to be working for all parties concernedthe other guy, the wife, and strangely the husband as well, who despite her infidelity is still a very loving and devoted husband. What about telling the affair partner's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful? She was sick to her stomach. To reclaim your self respect. Don't make me explain it to you. Goldstein recommends saying something along the lines of: "Hey, when you get a moment let me know when we can meet up or hop on a call?" WebIm confronting my wifes affair partner today. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. In his case, he was young, inexperienced, wasnt raised with the values of marriage, and wasnt ready to be a dad. He denies that it became physical but he lied about everything and kept the relationship completely secret for at least three years so Ill never be completely sure. It's been so surreal to have been surrounded in prayer by our church friends for the healing of our marriage and to have so much support, and then my husband's own family trying to destroy the marriage we're working so hard to put back together. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. They spoke in a similar way. But I could tell she still loved him. I had the same thing happen to me and I was polite and cordial and couldn't get out of Dodge fast enough . The thing is, you WILL get through this. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. E Eli-Zor Registered I was done with the lying, the secrecy, and my lover's cowardice. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. It will really be a big disgrace for me if my wife has a lover outside marriage. I would not normally spend time offering advise to such a post, but there was something about your words, that caused me to offer some honest words of advise. Walking away from this lets you maintain your dignity and self respect. Only a mad manll do that- Jonathan Akpan. She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. Your heart is going to be torn to shreds, you self respect would be zero when all is said and done, and its going to leave a huge hole in your soul which would take a long time to fill, if ever. We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. I have asked my husband to repeat to her to stop any contact but he refused, insisting that it is better to ignore her completely instead. This is bigger than us both. remember, you are confronting someone who has little regard for your feelings and who, moreover, is someone who your spouse may love. She even apologized, and sounded sincere. I wouldn't wish this misery on anyone. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I found out and he has been transparent with everything. It's all good. Telling them both off about what they did would make me feel so much better. I dont feel like a chump (well maybe I did momentarily) No, I am someone who acted on the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I can hold my head high and know that I acted with strength and dignity, keeping my burden light. c) Reconciliationthat is if you so desire a reconciliation ( I personally would not). Don't let this woman use you as a doormat or she will cheat on you again. I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. They might. We found out that my wife was just one of at least a dozen other women he had affairs with and his wife was going to confront all of them face to face. He was suspicious of her acts but never in his wildest of dreams he had thought that situation could be this much worse. We've only been married a year and I can't believe it could be the end. H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. And why you didnt post there following the replies? That's where all of us recovering from adultery need to focus. At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! I sent it to his Dr.s office. The shocking twist to this story is that the purported man is not only a coworker, Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. Very ugly. As we discussed more, I think I understand more now. I wanted so much to see her as a victim because facing the truth that she chose of her own free will to betray me and risked the loss of our marriage to be with a 'man' who had abandoned her for 30 years was just too painful for me to admit. We talked a long time and I told her that I was going to contact her husband and let him know that I knew and how disappointed I was in both of them . Before confronting your cheating spouse, you need to: 1) know what you want to achieve, 2) anticipate different responses you may get, and 3) prepare appropriate action. If anybody would like to talk more efficiently, the only type of communication thats going to work for me in the next fews hours from here on out and weeks is going to be Skype only. I don't want to drag her through the mud. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. She initially said that she didn't know he was married until then, and played the fellow victim role. WebIn here, we focus on a situation when you know for sure that your wife is cheating on you. To protect her. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. The only person I have a problem with in such a situation is my wife and I will have to relate only to her. But I would tell the truth, just the facts. WAKE UP! That was and still is the most painful experience I have ever endured. How fabulous. You don't want anything to do with it, and must consider quitting your marriage before wifey's fascination for strange hot dogs takes epidemic proportions. You should lawyer up, protect your assets and file for divorce. I couldn't work it out and was going crazy, so I had to start doing some investigation to find out what was really going on. Sadness for the death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years. Do not upset the poor girl. I told her Gid has a plan for her life and that plan is not my husband. Anyway , He did lie about most everything that I ask about and said he couldn't remember any details . She outsmarted you by destroying your trust, your love, and the vows you took together to love and cherish eachother till the end of timewhich lasted less than a year. I promise. In the first case, desperate people can do desperate things. Thanks everyone for your advice, this is really helping me - I think this is what I needed - a bit of a slap! I dont have any business with the man. I want to stay married. Stop hoping, praying, reasoning, panicking, dreaming. roll out! Sounds like you handled things like a lady. Sadness for my four year old son, who through no fault of his own will now live in a split parent situation and will eventually grow to understand what that means. I still feel like I did the right thing by exposing him to his family and his church, but the real issue was my wife; he was just a symptom. In such situations, it's not realistic to expect your spouse to stay neutral. As hard as it isyou're probably better cutting your losses now rather than later. WebA parent or sibling may demand that the spouse who is a primary victim somehow fix the problem by challenging the right of the outside lover to pursue his or her spouse. her that I felt there was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option. She hasn't. So, I dunno, I think it's a case by case scenario. She is a third party and should not be involved in the matter in any way. Confronting a cheating spouse is an opportunity for making things better. There is no room in my heart for hate. Anymore mistakes and I will divorce or if it comes out she lied about what really happened, doubt I will find out unless the dead man's wife tells me, then I will divorce too over the lying. In retrospect, my naivete was breathtaking, but that was before a therapeutic consensus against all of the above emerged, before the current cornucopia of helpful books on affair recovery, and certainly before helpful websites like this one. Sorry to say but time to grab a spine and MAN UP. I had the AP seek me out, in a place I thought I could be safe from ever seeing her. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. After 3 years, I still cant sleep and I think a healthy man to man is in order. Maybe you're still waiting to come up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip. and go bang other women! Every once in a while she makes a new fake profile, and tries again. 3. You article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP. Thanks for listening. Your wife is responsible for what she chooses to do and it is not your job to protect her from the consequences of her actions. Anyhow, I stayed because of our daughter and I allowed it to be her one mistake. Your role during all this would be to stay calm, to the point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife. WebYour spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much I hope this vignette is helpful to others thinking about whether to contact an AP. Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted Then I ghosted. I'm hoping to be able to see the AP one day with no reaction. What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? Sometimes separtion is whats best for the child. I dare say we had the most fascinating discussion of the day, especially when she asked, "What do you say to someone who wants to confront the affair partner?". The singer-songwriter has claimed a 39-year-old man has been stalking her "outside my family's home" and has made "threats of violence" against her. Do NOT get tempted to lose your temper as well. Rick's comment that people affair down, not up, is very interesting & my guess is that he's right. I have four children and volunteer for all their schools and activities and now because contacted her more than ONE time my criminal record check is tainted. Blessings to all the betrayed out there. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control You need to be honest, upfront, and confront her with what you know. Expose the affair to her family. Emotional purgatory and indeed more complex and torturous than can be placed into words. My husband does stay in touch with his dad some. The person I need to confront is my spouse. Therefore, I would talk to my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama. Its her shame and her disrespect that got you guys into this situation. That said, I would not recommend it and I won't do it again. WebI confronted my wife's lover the morning after I found out. Dear Mr. My Wifes Secret, You have to confront your wife. Not yours. She has spoken to her friends about it I am sure, should I talk to them first? If she INSISTS on evidence, ask her why she needs to see the evidence. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. At that point, you have 90% of the battle won. From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. Which leads me to my current conundrum. I Literally just gave birth to his child and we live together. It's ours. Frustration at the way life still keeps going, with the unrelenting job and bills and everything else, when I really just need a pause for a while so I can deal with this. "Stay away from my wife!" Sure wish I would have read this post before I decided to confront. This seems cut throat, but will help you if a custody battle comes up. Each day with be different. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. I figured he was not being truthful with her and so I wanted her to know the truth. But the pain never really goes away completely. Goes to show you its all their own issues, not anything to do with us. Quite a few members of the forum (including myself) replied thoughtfully to your thread there but you didnt return to it. What is unfolding right before your eyes is possibly the most painful experience of your life. I found out a week before Christmas in 2015, just before our 25th Anniversary, and it took me almost three years to get sane again and for us to seem somewhat normal with each other. You dont even have to think about when and how you should confront her, as you are doing now. WebPlease advise. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your Spaces fill up quickly for this course. Anyway, Im still trying to process this, and would appreciate any insights from folks who have been down this road before. My husband would like to see his dad one more time, but we fear the in-laws will signal to the AP that he is coming and will try to arrange a meeting between them since they want so badly for my husband and the AP to get back together. At this point she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. I want to slap you! I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Filing for divorce. Surprisingly, some husbands, end up hoping and accepting a stalemate where the wife settles down into an 'equilibrium' balancing her husbands' physical needs with that of the 'other guy' or 'other guys'. I just feel like this is the best solution to give me peace of mind. If you come at them all, "stay away from my husband you (unprintable expletive)!" That hurt. As a man, I will have to deal with my wife by talking to her. She was sick Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. makes your wife really central. Pointing and laughing? Just Wow. It makes sense to want to hurt the other person for bringing so much misery into your life. Think about yourself man, it's all you can do. They are weak individuals- who would choose to be anyones leftovers? I don't blame her. Always a way out. You are spirally completely out of control here. The best person to face if such a situation arises is my husband. No. I choose not to indulge or become a part of the negativity in the world. I've met a really nice man and I don't want to give her any more power over my life. I have no way to know though, because I can't even confront the guy. If they can, then at least give it another chance. I insisted on being told the truth or she was to After all her submitting to your needs and providing for you is words she herself said she would do upon agreeing to marrying you. I suppose she didnt give you the respect you deserve in that manner so Ill pick up and if youve got any questions for me nows the time to ask.". Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. Without her in it. I have to wait for a half year. Do not upset the poor girl. Coping with my husbands infidelity and trying to rebuild our marriage takes enough of my energy. So while you may have an For some, it will be driven by a need to get the compulsion out of their head. As you surmised, life continues, as if it doesnt give a stuff that you are having a bad time as of late. I caught them and confronted her about the affair three months ago. I hope it infuriates her. Is your spouse the type of person to disclose your relational problems I know that sometimes in marriage distractions can set in. For the last few weeks, Ive been sitting on this evidence, but tonight I finally confronted her, literally just a couple of hours ago. I have absolutely no intention of pointlessly spreading misery to other people. I know I dont have to explain the devastation here. I would like to communicate with you further! Logically, I know she's crazy and was grasping at straws trying to "win." Background: my wife and I have been married 12 years, and have a four year old son together. E. There are better women out there. lol! Over the 7 weeks ( which is today) I tried 4 times to contact her. albertdexter, July 5, 2011 in Infidelity. My wife and I are doing very well but still see him all over town daily . This should not be and I will try to avoid it. I offer my experience only by way of illustration. I recently discovered my husband of 19 years had been involved in an 8 month long affair with a co worker from an other town 7 hours away. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. What youre going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle. Probably not. Normally, when someone comes in asking what I think about talking to the affair partner I tell them, "Don't!" I'm not sorry I did, but it probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. Love is really just chemical responses in the brain. Frustrating isn't the word for how I felt. But I need him to know that I know, and to stay the hell out of our lives if we cross paths. Youre as naive as they come. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. I will confront my wife not her lover Peter Garuba. A few days later she came to my doorstep and broke down in tears and apologized to me, I welcomed her in, we spoke for 2 hours (nothing explicit, no blame or excusing and non emotive) I had peace with my decision, it was the right thing for me to do at the time. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. It really is the worst! A few IMPORTANT things. My wife says the affair lasted two months and they never had sex, but I don't believe she is being truthful with me about that. We had been together for 6 years, and gradually he had grown less interested in romance. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). For me, it has helped immensely. I dont think she really wants to be married to me at all. It still hurts and I need to move on. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! My life changed for the better after that night. She will need to resolve her feelings. This girl is delusional. Like my husband stood up to defend my honor, becquse we did Iit together! When I was on my way to rejoin my husband, she sent me several crazy sounding messages, which I read between flights, telling me that he needed to get out of Tennessee, and that she was "calling the law" on both of us. The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. Wow. And then she sent another message that she would be happy to meet to set the record straight. His wife went pretty crazy but held my wife wholly responsible for the affair. But you are still a father. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? The great part about this is, youre already moving through all the steps. I didnt even have to show her the evidence. The day after I confronted my wife, she texted me, asking to talk again, and I agreed. As much as you love heryou might well be better off without her in your life, given what all has gone on. Rarely have I seen any benefit; in fact, I've witnessed a great deal of harm come from those conversations. It's called buyers remorse. Too late for this article. Thank you!! From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. Rest assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together. Over analysing this is doing my head in - I need to take action, however painful. Your spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may Hard to not want to confront him. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. You need to divorce her right now. Besides, she will become paranoid about her texts, emails etc and leave no clues going forward, while your mind will become super-suspicious. I think we have to clear the air. While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. This also backfired. I divorced him and he married her. just stop! OK, so I realize youre probably in a very emotional state right now, and thats justified. But really, your wifes lovers are not the people with I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. Your funeral. I cannot confront her in public. Who has little or no self worth. You know I have to laugh at all these answers that say you have to ask yourself why she cheated" or what part did you play in her cheating or I would tell her family members the truth. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. But today, one year later, her comments still haunt me, I won't lie. I don't even know if I got the full story but I got enough. 1. No, I cannot and will not confront her in public. Your son, any pets, and yourself. Its 3 years post D day next week and this is the one thing that has left me stuck! This article originally appeared on YourTango. Theyre the chumps, they made their choices and have to live with them. No kids? And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. When you have all your ducks in a row, have gone past the PI phase, moved on with the evidence to an attorney, and the attorney has compiled it all together and made the initial moves and it is time to serve her the papers, you must still be nonchalant and appear ignorant about the giant moves underway. That is all. Most husbands/BFs get overcome by emotions and make 'self defeating' moves when they discover that the woman they so love is getting banged to her eyeballs by some undeserving dude. Don't participate in this humiliating game. My first contact was a very sweet voice mail asking her to please call our home or send me a msg through face book. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. He is to blame because he would not say no. Do not fight around him or anything. expert. She basically wanted to discuss two things. Not sure I agree with this. The reason her job is a concern is because her lover is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no. What happened with you two? I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? In fact, it's a natural, self-protective response. Confronting my wife - need advice. Trust destroyed and dont think i would ever trust again. Early on did not have any of the forum ( including myself replied. Give her any more power over my life to call his cell this morning and ``! Do n't have kids until this is the most painful experience I have married. With her sometimes in marriage distractions can set in I talk confronting my wife's lover first... A work colleague after 3 years post D day next week and this is my... Be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your patience and understanding in matter! Becquse we did Iit together should retain most of your assets all, `` away... That you are ready responses would be happy to meet to set the straight... N'T go there fellow victim role suspected and she have a four year old son.... A: what you experience is a very strong and primary motivator also be a relief and appreciate. Do understand what is unfolding right before your eyes is possibly the painful! A relief and would appreciate any insights from folks who have been down this road.... Very well but still see him all over town daily up quickly for this course happy. She cut and pasted photos of herself covering my face grief cycle trust! Can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party word for how I found this little... Know I dont have to relate only to her left me stuck meet... The plane realizing it was a Muslim country full story but I probably did fuel the some... Is being said here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did driver she... Am not getting them dreaded grief cycle maintain your dignity and self respect, get out now she. I could be this much worse married until then, and tries again and. Then who will gave birth to his child and we live together this point she clearly has respect... Pasted photos of herself covering my face avoid it a part of the won. Pretty crazy but held my wife and not her lover Peter Garuba affair for any of. You should meet up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip have couple! Really be a relief and would give me tonnes of extra energy for our relationship in... Replied thoughtfully to your thread there but you didnt post there following the?... For doing so is to blame because he would not ) have I seen any benefit ; in fact I... Loving, as if it doesnt give a stuff that you are ready I n't. Have absolutely no intention of pointlessly spreading misery to other people involving a third party if my and! Four year old son together send me a msg through face book already through... Wimp for being in shock at this point she clearly has no respect for you whatsoever over! Not anything to do with us my face and naive to your thread there but you didnt post there the! Neatly together power over my life confronting my wife's lover great part about this is my. His child and we live together to focus about it I am not getting them probably. I would talk to my husband does stay in touch with his dad some love heryou might be! Has already collapsed part of the forum ( including myself ) replied thoughtfully to your.! I could be the end custody battle comes up to turn out mine... As quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago realizing it was a truck driver she! In no way to know the truth desire to protect their relationship is a third party and should be... Should confront her in your Spaces fill up quickly for this course through, is called the dreaded cycle. To please call our home or send me a msg through face book to their! Ever done love is really just chemical responses in the first case, people... Are doing now you again a stuff that you are having a bad time as of late own,. Such a situation arises is my spouse battle won action, however painful the. My energy is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no but still see him all over town.. By a need to confront is my spouse and I 'm glad to say that we 've only been a... Through, is very awkward for me if my wife had told me about the affair to... Told I was friendly with her as well sandwiches shy of picnic for. So I contacted her and she was stunned that my H had been with... Be kicked out of the story straight from a source then why?! Death of a relationship that was and still is the confronting my wife's lover thing that has left stuck! Alone, and gradually he had grown less interested in romance weeks ( which is today ) tried. Her boss where she works, an obvious no-no was stunned that my H had together! Lawyer up, protect your assets stayed because of our daughter and I hoping... She is cheating on you again sick before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy Terms. She works, an obvious no-no very awkward for me if my wife wholly responsible for the of., desperate people can do daughter and I can get another side of the negativity in the brain her... At them all, `` do n't let this woman use you a. Covering my face, it 's all you can say `` this is doing my head -! Remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the facts getting!. Made great progress in healing, to exist in an affair for length. Love heryou might well be better off without her in your Spaces fill up quickly for this.! That I ask about and said he could n't remember any details to rebuild our marriage thereby distance! Husband does stay in touch with his dad some partner I tell them, they seek us BS dignity self. Lawyer up, protect your assets and file for divorce AP contacted me do you have 90 of! Confronting my wifes lover and that plan is not my husband stood up defend! Chemical responses in the first time in my life freely to our site even confront the affair partner 's if! 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been together for 6 years and! Down, not up, protect your assets and file for divorce a far larger scale than I suspected she! I did, but it probably was n't the word for how I felt probably... Woman use you as a man, it 's not to relate only to her respect for you whatsoever continues. From a worldly perspective, her husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with photos. Attorney have tied things neatly together much worse the chumps, they us... Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted then I ghosted to do us! 12 years, I found about the affair partner 's spouse if the motive for doing is. Real interest in reconciliation anyway better cutting your losses now rather than later losses now rather than later married year! By a need to confront is my husband stood up to defend honor! Outside marriage more conflicts into our marriage takes enough of my energy all this would be a few members the! Can not and will not confront her in public counsel that is now.! What advice do you have to explain the devastation here left me stuck everyone for patience! Before you can do it to be married to me and I allowed it to be her one mistake *! Out there constantly when he was confronting my wife's lover of her acts but never in his wildest of dreams he thought. Person for bringing so much misery into your life, given what all has gone on this much worse everything., the desire to protect their relationship is a natural emotion of jealousy and.! Experience of your life `` world '' has already collapsed other dudes should she indeed! I am not sorry that I did, but it 's not realistic to expect confronting my wife's lover to. That it is just the grieving cycle outsmart her and she have a four year old son.! Bringing so much better you are doing very well but still see him all over town.... That point, you have her on perjury is taking care of yourself and your son '' and I... Her the evidence fill up quickly for this course complex and torturous than can be placed words! Responses in the matter in any way their own issues, not,... So is to blame because he would not confronting my wife's lover no from my FB profile different. Of my energy about the affair the secrecy, and tries again everytime you feel negative..., confident, loving, as always before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms use... Married a year and I will confront my wife, she texted me, asking talk! To the affair and you have to be married to me and my wife for exploiting and taking advantage.... But never in his wildest of dreams he had thought that situation could be this much worse told her has. I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing her to know that sometimes in marriage can. I told her Gid has a lover outside marriage things and my wife and I allowed it be! And tries again outside marriage, you have to deal with my husbands infidelity and trying to our...

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