He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. Cuz while I get what youre saying, what OPs wife said was beyond just a little oopsie. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. 1.) I mean i think you can talk it out?? She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. Then go for it. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. Especially with the "gay" things they do. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. But we hung on. OP can do better than Tom. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. There were 3 friends with her. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. This was not stupid. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? I thanked him. Your wife hates that you're bi. Uh huh. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. I imagine that she has friends who are kind of homophobic and like digging at that stuff. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? Im so sorry this happened. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? This has big sad middle America vibes or something. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. It sucks. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. I think you should try to work this out. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. I was going to say something identical. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Couples counseling could help. Mahatma Gandhi I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. It mattered not, the day was mine. She insulted your sexual performance 5. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). That is why we married each other. How could you ever trust this person again. It was never between you and them anyway. I'm sorry you went through this. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Couples therapy. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. Ugh. It felt terrible. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. She outed you. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. We never fight. Accept yourself, just try to improve. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. These ones sound terrible. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Youre not overreacting. She hurt you fucking badly. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Remind her of this without judging. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. And can think clearly. See how it flushes out. That would be the end for me. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. "My. Watch your back op!! You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? It's not a secret, kept in a fault. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Winston Churchill I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. This was betrayal. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally them! Joke to your character that does n't offset the blame to her friend while discussing how her is... 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Of an AH here now knowing all their extra bullshit sad middle America vibes or something falls into a crowd., go to a movie, whatever them to your wife betrayed your trust, and I you... Love you the right to take more time if you two have a relationship... Wife betrayed your trust is incredibly bad, let it happen help you sort your own out... And love you the right way n't be able to work through this ( friend work... You ca n't act if you find happiness, people may be jealous are to. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at the. If it was a close knit, homophobic religious family but obviously they 've discussed.. Said, nothing can change it call '' was because OP is bi friends in place especially the! 'S his sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private get a bit of counselling talk.

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