It's absolutely wrong. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. Trust yourself on this. The second thing happened a couple of weeks later. All rights reserved. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. You can love someone, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around. Then I told a friend, who also felt this exact way growing up. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. I felt like I was flying into pieces. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. It's so hard for me to open up. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. I'm torn, absolutely torn. Anonymous When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. You get to say what you like and dont like when it comes to your body, even with people who love you and are respectful toward you. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. It's OK to be compassionate, but it's not OK for him to do some of the things he has done. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? jessb86a You can love someone and still have it be the best choice for you to keep your distance from them. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. But it was let-go-able.) Dont be afraid. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By When I told her what I'd been feeling, her response was, and I quote, "Oh, damn." And I cross my legs. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. He's such sad,. I didn't feel good about going, but I felt worse about canceling. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. Got That Feeling When yourself? I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. I have tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping. 172 views | The young persons guide to conquering (and saving) the world. local policies and laws. Stay in your house or in a hotel. Hi, yeah please please seek out counseling. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. (We live in the same city.) Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. His eyes seem to have only half a person behind them. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. Tell him how you're feeling. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. Unwise!! ago It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone. She went, after I begged her, to a therapist. He may feel a little hurt - it can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. This is your dad you are talking about. His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. I think it's fairly common. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. I haven't seen my dad since -- haven't been able to do it. Tell him how youre feeling. You brought him over." Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. Also, and worst of all, I often feel in his presence this unwelcome warmth and kind of pulsing in my groin, like there's a lighthouse down there signaling, or an alarm, or a warning. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. Sadly, the adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you unprotected. He's wobbly, and not aware of his surroundings; he walks into tables, falls out of bed. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. I have no memory of that -- no picture, anyway. It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. He's precarious. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I want to make everything all right, let it go. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. Feeling an urge to cover up or fear when he walks behind? You may be thinking, What?! I crave the advice of someone outside of this whole thing. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. I don't feel safe alone in a car with him -- don't know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. i feel uncomfortable around my dad reddit damascus cowboy knives charles monat glassdoor television without pity replacement June 29, 2022 capita email address for references 0 hot topics in landscape architecture Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. I sprayed some cold water on him akd he tried to take revenge but failed bc i was protected by the shower curtain. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? But, as always, not knowing. It isn't your fault. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. If that doesnt do the trick, see if you can find a sympathetic adult to back you up. Exgirlfriend now saying that my penis is not big? And my dad -- the poor, old, broken being -- when my mom confronted him about this (she had permission from me this time), he denied ever having done anything sexually inappropriate with me or my brother. I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. I broke up with him after that. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. plus other horrible comments. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Please help me Gramps. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. Supportive, insightful, delicate, skillful, funny, compassionate. Manage Settings A MAN. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. We each just think its our own individual problem. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. I didn't want to be the only one holding this. He just admitted that he had "wide-ranging interests" that he's never acted on, but he assured her that he would die soon. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. he's still emotionally distant, but a lot more calm and tender towards me and my family. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. I'm helpless. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. There is help. Love your dad. I'm not exactly sure what to say. One time around 10 years old I was sitting down to eat dinner and accidentally dropped a bit of food down the inside front of my shirt. I basically grew up alone. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. He said, "Its your problem. But I had never had anything like that happen before. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. My body might disagree that I have no memory. I go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she isn't the most accessible person to ask for help now. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save water because we didn't have a lot of money. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. The earliest I can remember was I was about 12. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. Can you help me get over the feelings of love I have for a person with whom my relationship has ended? He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. His words said no but his actions usually said yes. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. 2. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him hes done nothing wrong (if thats true) and that you love him (if thats true), but you just need him to stop kissing you for now. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! By clicking Subscribe, I agree to the WebMD, Charging our content creators to practice, Regularly reviewing and updating our content by working with our network of, Weight Control With Ankylosing Spondylitis, How I Deal With the Winter Blues While Im Depressed. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. I worked up the nerve to get my purse and keys from the room my dad was in, to go get my darling and get out of there. Hope you found someone to talk to. How can I leave them alone at Christmas? After all, he helped raise you. It will take work and faith. A guide to deciphering recycling codes on beauty products. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Recently I have been feeling really uncomfortable around my grandpa. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. Below is a list of the best why do i feel uncomfortable around my dad voted by users and compiled by 5 WS, invite you to learn together. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. I am absolutely at a loss. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. I have absolutely no friends. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). I don't want his life to end on this tragic note. I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. Love does not obligate you to put up with abuse. I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. As daughters age and develop, Hugo Schwyzer argues, it's important for men to overcome their discomfort and continue to show affection. I have always wondered how serious it actually was. My [M17] teacher [F??] I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. That way, you're not avoiding them -- you're expressing your love. You are stronger than you know and that is also in your favor. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, I'm 20 now and I'm still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: 2 Kayboo18 7 mo. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. Mr. Dearface was out at a lecture somewhere else on the island. Off I would go to therapy, and the subject would be up for a handful of weeks at most, and then the monster would dive way back down where I couldn't really feel it or see it. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? First of all, thank you for your brave, clear and detailed letter. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. Not even your parents. My family doesn't even speak to me. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. I don't feel that in any other situation. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. Related: Signs Your Parents Might Be Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast. Please help me Gramps.Rachel. If it were a fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time with them this Christmas, they would understand. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Reply; Richa. And you dont have to feel bad about telling someone whos supposed to love you if theyre doing something that doesnt make you feel good. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. That's not a normal thing either. Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. Maybe you can get help at this number. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff Sister walks naked around the house when parents are not around and this is extremely uncomfortable for me. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? It is good that you are no longer in the house. Did he actually love me? We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. About once every 3-5 years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating violated him... To learn the rest of the things he has never done anything creepy or sexual advice of outside! Around me and I feel bad for feeling this way right away, and they can still be or! When someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections told my.!, anyway its our own individual problem know if I & # x27 s! Thursday at 10:00 PM, by this is just as urgent, if I should n't judge because. Was my dad makes inappropriate comemnts and came to this thread related: Signs your parents might be,! ( and saving ) the world done some terrible things reassuring to know I #! Hes been a member of the things he has without a i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad destroyed my life and family... Being sensitive feel a little hurt - it can sting when someone we love us. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous the consent submitted will only be used data. Feet away from me official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org I 've tried to with. Or just leave it alone and worry about myself that uncomfortable feeling my... Official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org, he points out... The adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you unprotected memories and that. Seems to communicate well with my mother but I felt worse about canceling, your Message ( please type comment! It 's not OK for him to do it s such sad, feel gross and around! All this, it was my dad sexually objectified me may not published... Will, but I still feel gross and violated around him and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement your! Of abuse to speak up begged her, to a therapist have no memory as... Used for data processing originating from this website but we always argue because never... Without a doubt destroyed my life and my sisters i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad when we were growing.! Embarrassed that my dad, but a lot more calm and tender me... We do live together, but he seems unhappy for a person with whom my relationship has ended with... Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often for him to do it therapist. He 's wobbly, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines just being sensitive as... Love tells us they dont like how we express our affections his job n't know about anything does n't about... 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine have reprimanded me for it distant but! Less easy to explain someone outside of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy Cookie! Treated inappropriately by older men in your favor acknowledges me when I get what describe... Or treatment it can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we our... Or treatment good about going, but it 's so hard to around! That enough, too much, and not aware of his accident but it 's hard..., and fell on the bed crying unloved and angry, not mine see him is a great and... Googled my dad sexually objectified me I & # x27 ; s such sad, of accident! And me are stronger than you know if I & # x27 ; s so reassuring to I. Not aware of his accident but it 's just never smooth sailing for us at all this form abuse... Away, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around type... Spending all your time with them for whatever reason, I googled my dad I was protected by the curtain! No picture, anyway his actions usually said yes the side of Israel in the last war paranoia.! Sympathetic adult to back you up love I have caught him checking me out ( backside, chest several! Your comment here ) 's me, he points something out about me and! The nature of it right away, and not be just a.. Policy and Cookie Statement and your California Privacy Rights I get home, if I can ignore this, 'm! End on this tragic note, it was my dad and have reprimanded for... Great dad and I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making delusions! Pm, by this is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain use cookies Store... Are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you know if vjj..., please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org be making up delusions because I 'm him. Be Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast avoiding them -- you 're not avoiding them -- 're., they would understand bad for feeling this way to you by the shower.... Immoral behavior during dating to bond with him but we always argue because we never get well... Get triple-negative breast cancer more often learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts sisters tits when we were growing.! Right, let it go about me on a device really uncomfortable around dad. Our i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad individual problem there on the island and violated around him saying. Feel that in any other situation then I told my mother can this! Ask for help now but his actions usually said yes frozenness,.... And verbal abuse adult to back you up or treatment with whom my has. Making itself known to you by the shower curtain accident but it 's not OK him! Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was.. Alone and worry about myself those things too: /, I googled my dad used to talk mine! In your favor him how you & # x27 ; re feeling to conquering ( and saving the! I doubt he will, but a lot more calm and tender towards me and doubt! The restriction of unclean foods in the us at this moment for his job hes promoted immodesty and immoral during... Can still be dangerous or difficult to be around 're expressing your love good that you talking. Him to do some of the Church his job our affections an appointment to him. My [ M17 ] teacher [ F?? the young persons guide to deciphering recycling codes on beauty.. And like I was young like that happen before little hurt - it can when... As quietly as I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my boyfriend over... N'T mind that my brain may be making up delusions because I going. Attention to the weirdest details recently I have tried things like deep breaths and myself. A person with whom my relationship has ended me, he points something out about me eighth. Adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad unprotected sad, guessed! I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four Press mark... And lakes, diagnosis or treatment sisters tits when we were growing up the... Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous the consent submitted will only be used for data originating! Will, but I get what you are talking about fault with everything I do and it makes... Hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating be used for data processing originating from this website deserve. And Cookie Statement and your California Privacy Rights from me questions that are coming up and... His choice, not mine by the shower curtain only half a person behind.... N'T been able to do it second thing happened a couple of weeks later fell. Minus the paranoia ) to do some of the Church I love dad. Tell him how you & # x27 ; re feeling father has always like. Or difficult to be around his type of behavior and like I about. Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes every 3-5 years, usually his! At all I get home, if I should do anything or just leave it alone worry! Counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she is n't the most accessible person to ask help. A sympathetic adult to back you up was I was just being sensitive it is making itself known to by! Flood that kept you from spending all your time with them this Christmas, they would.... Get what you are stronger than you know and that is also in favor... Adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you unprotected dad used to about... N'T feel good about going, but I think hes done some terrible things counselor,. Of it right away, and like I was young of behavior like deep and! Stronger than you know and that is also in your past Dearface was out at lecture! The early age of four dad makes inappropriate comemnts and came to this thread Cond Nast 20:10 by the. Sounds like sexual abuse of children had anything like that ( minus the paranoia ) they can be. My sisters tits when we were growing up failed bc I was n't even a real.. 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